a girl in her city, watching the sunset

Monthly Recap Because Salami

For a long time, if there was anything in my fridge, it was salami and mustard.  It’s still mustard.  But I went a long while with no salami, except I didn’t plan that.

I didn’t plan much of this but I discovered recently that salami doesn’t suit me any more.  I just.  It isn’t tasty?  I don’t like how I feel after I eat it?

I’ve become a clean eater.  The most processed thing I consume is bacon.  (Which I do at some 2lbs/week.)  I eat fat and protein and green veg.  I have squash sometimes, but not that frequently.

I took a good amount of codeine the 10 days preceding & 20 days following the extraction of my wisdom teeth.  (Fully bony, btw.  FULLY.)  The last week I’ve been feisty.  Tonight I’m more calm, partially to do with chemical intervention (and temperanillo!) & a chillout with Tiomio.   I think the grindy/grouchy comes some with feeling enough more alert to know I’m not comfortable, but not wholly better.

The lower left side of my jaw isn’t right yet.  It still hurts, there’s still swelling and I’ve done another course of antibiotics that were rx’d at the ER.  (I drove to the ER (instead of home) in a slight panic because I hurt so badly I couldn’t see straight and was contemplating whether I could succumb to said panic.)  So, it’s not right, but it’s not as bad as it was.  My apartment is illogically warm when I’m here, and I cried this weekend because I pay to live here and for the love of fuck, I want to hang out, but omg it was 97f.

I’ve had a few ocean swims.  It’s glorious!  I called a hiatus until my constitution is entirely hale, though; it seemed that every time I went playing in La Pacifica, I wound up tired, happy, and a lot more sick.  But holy fux.  We’re together again, she and me.

Work is worky.  I think I’m doing well,  it could be the shimmer is enough worn off that I just do it and try not to reconcile it with real life.  When I was doing stats at the retail shop last year, I got sick a lot.  Staph & strep & diabetic events?  It wasn’t faked, but neither did I dig in and do what I could.  There was no willingness to suck it up.

I have my own car.   She’s a mini cooper.  I named her Ollie.  The interest rate is insane, but she gets nearly 35mi/gal.  She needs some attention and I hope she’ll hold on for the next month or so.  I want to sort out my rent & pay back the uncle & the G and the Muchgrrly.

I meant to talk about eating but I went all tangent-style on this.

I’ve been writing long hand.  But not really fiction, and not really essays.  I have ideas and snippets of good things to say.  I have flights of sheer bliss.   I have a dear friend who hopes to do a gallery showing (when I’m famous) of my oddly organized to-do lists.

I don’t notice the date in terms of how long I’ve been back in Los Angeles so much these days.  “I’ve been here six months + twelve days!”  isn’t really my repertory redundancy.  I just live here.

So.  Clean eating.  I don’t realize that the fillers in the meds I have (mostly for pain) might be souring me.  I don’t pay enough mind to the hundreds of mgs of ibuprofen I toss back daily. (800 every 4hrs or so).  I can’t abide salami.  I think it’s the nitrates.  When I went to ER I had enough sense to temper my defense of knowing my body.  When the ER dr asked if I wanted vicodin, I said I’d rather T3s, but can we fix what’s fucked up?  I’m tired of codeine.  There’s two or three still left from that rx.  He shot me with novocaine or lidocaine or whatever and I made a face when he withdrew the sabre from my mouth.  He asked if I needed somewhere to spit.  I nodded and when he returned with a weird bowl, I expelled blood and sour and presumed this is how novocaine shots worked, since he said I didn’t seem infected.  I mentioned the taste.  Apparently one doesn’t usually have to expectorate following the administration of this nerve blocking agent.  So then I got more antibiotics.   And more codeine.  Which I needed for a while.

I had a sad Monday a week ago and realized that it was the beer I had overserved myself the previous evening.  Shaking that was difficult.

I’m churning.  I hope this settles some, it seems daily better since last Thursday or Friday.  But I feel fairly sure I’ll get there.  I just won’t be eating salami all the time.




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